Post by Sirius Black on Feb 27, 2006 20:13:33 GMT -5
I'm sure you've asked that question before if you've clicked on this. "How do I make my posts longer?" Or you're just curious to know if you can spice up your posts a bit more. Well, I'll show you how to take your simple one-liner:
i.e.
"Draco walked into the room and looked around, wondering where everyone was."
And turn it into a post worthy of JK Rowling herself:
i.e.
"Draco walked into the room, sighing. He hadn't seen Pansy or Blaise all day long, and now he'd come to an empty common room as well? Well, wasn't life just dandy for him? Sitting on the couch, he brought his feet up to the table, slamming them quite hard and sending and echo throughout the room. Looking around, hoping to see some sign of life other than that ruddy, no-good fire, he sighed in defeat. Where in Merlin's name was everyone?! Did they just forget that he was here?! I mean, why would you possibly pass up the oppertunity to talk to one of the most handsome, rich Purebloods in all of England?! It just wasn't right.
Crumbling up some spare parchment that was left lying on the table his feet were on, he threw them into the fire, smirking. Eventually, he'd get up and go hunting for people- or, would he just wait and let them come to him? Yeah ... that sounded like a good idea! So, sitting smugly on his "throne," the Pureblood Prince sat and waited for someone to grace him with their presence."
************************************************************
Okay, here's the general thing that makes this work: ELABORATION. You have to use heavy-description, and get inside the mind of your character. It's a matter of steps, and I'll show you them.
Step One: Generalizing Your Character's Mood
The first step is setting your character's mood. What mood are they in at the beginning, middle and end of your post? Are they happy, sad, depressed, anxious, upset, eager? What? This is one of the easiest parts. Just think of how you want your character to feel- let's say they'd just one the Quidditch game the night before, so they're still happy about that. Instead of-
"Draco walked into the Great Hall and was happy he won the Quidditch game last night,"
You might want to say-
"Draco beamed as he stalked smugly into the Great Hall, smirking as he went along. Yes, yes, he was the Quidditch star last night that caught the Snitch when Slytherin was behind by one-hundred points. Yes, he was the envy of everyone on Gryffindor team, including Saint Potter."
See? It gives readers more of a good feel on how the character is actually feeling. He went from just a one-dementional happy to very plainly vain and smug about his win the night before.
Step Two: Describing Your Character's Surroundings
The second step is a bit more difficult than the first for the simple fact that you have to describe more than just one thing about the area your character is in. For example-
"Hermione walked into the library and frowned at the noise of the other students,"
Could easily be lenghtened to-
"Hermione huffed as she pushed past the crowd of students leaving the packed-library. Gapsing in disbelief at the tornado in front of her, Hermione took a few steps in, seeing students hurrying back and forth between tables, books lying about everywhere and ink spills on just about every table. So this was the library during exams?"
Also describing the feelings and textures of a characters surroundings helps make your posts longer and sound better. For example-
"Harry lay on the cool grass, the warm sun balancing perfectly with the cool breeze that blew by every now and then."
Step Three: Adding Your Character's Personal Thoughts
The third, and most important and challenging, step in this guide is adding a bit of your characters own, personal thoughts into your post. It gives it a more personal and charming touch to your posts and gives the readers a closer connection to your character. If you character normally has a smug personality, such as Draco's, add that to your post. If your character normally has a witty personality, like Hermione's, add that to your post. Here's an example of each:
Draco's:
"Draco had finished an assignment that he had reluctantly sat down to do and decided to go on a little stroll afterwords. He hadn't seen much of Pansy, which he regretted. His thoughts had been on her a good deal lately since they had become more than just friends. Her image always seemed to dance in his mind even when he was trying to think of other things. Many people could probably never believe that Draco Malfoy, of all people, was in love... Or something like love. Whatever it was, it was delicious and yet haunting.
He crammed his hands deep into his pockets and wrapped the fingers of his right hand around the handle of his wand, doing it purely out of habit. Draco took slow and steady steps, kicking a small rock along as he did so. And then he grew tired of it and decided to step over the small stone and ignore its existence. This was something he had been doing to a lot of ideas and objects, stepping over them (physically or metaphorically) and pretending they didn't exist.
He came to a near-by tree and leaned against its trunk before taking out his wand and wondering what he could do to occupy his time. Even in a school of magic, one could easily become bored. Draco find someone to pick on perhaps, or maybe try doing something constructive.
Yet, as he stood there, nothing entertaining came to mind. Since the courtyard was void of other life for the time being, especially someone good to talk to, he found that there was little hope of being relieved of dull happenings about him. "
Hermione's:
"A pink tab meant Defense Against the Dark Arts, and a blue on Arithmancy? Yes, that was right, Hermione determined as she checked her Class/Color key. Biting her lip in concentration, Hermione pulled off several pink tabs, marking them on May 1st, 8th, 15th, 22nd, and 29th. Now for the blue tabs. She pulled five blue tabs off, and placed them on the day just after the pink tabs, on May 2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd, and 30th. One day each week would be dedicated to studying for the exams for two classes, and every Sunday would be dedicated to studying for all of them. While Hermione knew she needed to be studying for each exam often and a lot, she also knew that if she studied for only two a night, she would be able to go into much more depth, and cover the material thoroughly.
Now green would certainly have to be Herbology, to fit in with the theme of the class. Pulling off more green tabs, Hermione marked them just after the blue tabs, on the 3rd, 10th, 17th, 24th, and 31st. Now she would have to start doubling up on days. It was a wonder to Hermione that Ron and Harry hadn't started to follow her lead yet with preparing for their exams in such a manner. They never usually studied until the week before their exams. Such a thing was unheard of for Hermione. In fact, she was even deathly surprised that she hadn't started making her studying guide until just then. Four months in advance was suitable. Three months though? How could she have ever let herself slack off in such a manner? If she missed something on the final that studying could have prevented, she would never forgive herself. Never. It was unheard of."
Step Four: Putting Them All Together
Now, take all the things we've learned from the previous three sections and you should have, at least, a good paragraph or two to reflect on. Following these steps will really help, and with time, you may even get to posting things with lengths like this:
"The time was unknown to an averaged height Ravenclaw girl as she sat cross legged on her bed, watching as the stars twinkled against the blanket of black that was the sky. They gleamed in her eyes, reflecting a past that had been buried very deep inside. They held a fire, one very similar to the one she had mistakingly set in the family library at her home. The anger that had risen from her father's vocals was something she could understand, but the scar on her lower back was something never understood by the fair and pretty half veela girl. The scar was about six inches long and had been made by a severing spell that was normally used to cut book bags and trim hedges; never to be used as a punishment. Her mother had been furious about the fire, but even more so at the painful endeavor that Lorana had to endure. She doubted she could forgive that day and she also had her doubts that her parents would never be able to forgive her as well. Though it had been years ago, the flames still danced in her eyes, reflecting the anger of a furious set of parents, not to mention her father. Her sea blue eyes gleamed with liquid, threatening to spill down her cheeks as they had the night she had come to Hogwarts at the beginning of the term.
Lor took the velvet blue scrunchy out of her platinum blond hair and pulled it around her right hand, a habit she had acquired ever since she could remember. She sighed abit when she heard one of her house mate girls snoring loudly, an indication the slept soundly and were probably having dreams about cute boys instead of dead brothers. She could still remember that night Aiden was taken from her. It had also been the night she was carried to the orphanage in muggle London. Why she hadn't been taken to one in America, was beyond her. She was glad she had come to a good family, however, and loved them just as she was their own. She smiled playfully as she felt Diego jump on her bed and she took the fat, pitch black cat and placed him on his infamous place right on her lap. As she dove into the land of thought, she stroked him gently with a frail hand. She was thinking about different things, but one in particular stood out the most: Her relationship life. The fact that she didn't even have one per say brought abit of sorrow to her mind. Her eyes shimmered with fluid, but not a single tear had dared to streak down. Why she was sad, she could not quite comprehend.
As these thoughts went through her mind, Lor found her eyes boring holes into the body of her Ravenclaw snoring house mate. She then came to the conclusion she was not going to be sitting here in the common room, crying her eyes out over spilled milk, or to put it metaphorically.
"Well Diego. What'd you say we take a turn about the castle? Can't hurt to get our minds off things, huh boy?"
She said, scratching the cat behind his flipped over ears. She smiled and chuckled abit in the darkness as she searched for her dark blue bath robe and matching slippers. Once she found them, she wrapped the robe around her, thankful for its warmth. She placed her freezing sock adorned feet into the slippers and carried Diego to the portrait hole, careful to grab her wand on her way out. She glanced back at her house mates, half wishing she could stay here, force some sleeping pills down her throat, and join her counter parts in that wonderful land known as Dream World. She sighed, knowing this could never be as she came out into the hallway.
Lor found this hallway to be particularly chilly, mainly because her breath shone when she exhaled. The little light provided by the castle torches was some what comforting, even more so now that the moon was cast in a fuller crescent. She knew in a few days it would be full, the best part about the month that she knew. She shut the portrait hole behind her, set the cat down and drew her wand, its tip illuminating and adding to what little light there was now. The lumos spell was unheard, but that was because she had mastered casting spells without saying words. It was common to find students out of bed, but now that she was a prefect, she had a reason to be out after hours. The light breeze came through the hallway, stinging her face slightly as some ghosts flew through the wall up ahead. She knew it must be terrible to be a ghost, always being freezing from head to foot and not able to find comfort. She didn't know exactly where she was going to go, but she had a few places in mind. For one, the Room of Requirement, a place where it was rumored the DA or Dumbledore's Army had their meetings, the Trophy Room, a common place to have detentions and afew other places she knew. She finally came to the conclusion she'd like to see what the Trophy Room had to offer her in her hour of need.
Diego loped at her heels as she sprinted down the way, unwilling to get caught by a professor, even though she was a prefect and a member of authority. She increased her speed a few notches and soon found herself in the Trophy Room, a place filled with trophies of past Quidditch team members, won games, records broken, etc. She smiled, finding it completely empty except a single mirror standing in the center of the room. Curiousity soon became known to her so she strode forward, eyes scanning the strange writing. It wasn't the Mirror of Erised, if that's what you're thinking. No, this mirror has never been uttered by proffesor, student, nor ghost and was a mystery even to a girl that had been here for seven years. She walked over to the mirror, her hand touching the etched silver metal. She became intrigued by it as she saw figures soon arise in the mirror, a curious happening in its own. She touched the center of the mirror and gasped to find it flipping, her frame and her cat being sent into some sort of passage way. She landed with a hard thud on the not so soft ground, her eyes taking interest in the strange room she had encountered. She had not seen this room before, but its walls gleamed with an odd powdered substance. She didn't realise someone else was in the room and turned around sharply to see ..."
(^- Provided by yours truly. I play her on Yesterday Is Dead, the origin of this post.)
Full credit goes to Draco Malfoy (our own and he plays Draco there too) and the site:
yesterdayisdead.proboards36.com/
i.e.
"Draco walked into the room and looked around, wondering where everyone was."
And turn it into a post worthy of JK Rowling herself:
i.e.
"Draco walked into the room, sighing. He hadn't seen Pansy or Blaise all day long, and now he'd come to an empty common room as well? Well, wasn't life just dandy for him? Sitting on the couch, he brought his feet up to the table, slamming them quite hard and sending and echo throughout the room. Looking around, hoping to see some sign of life other than that ruddy, no-good fire, he sighed in defeat. Where in Merlin's name was everyone?! Did they just forget that he was here?! I mean, why would you possibly pass up the oppertunity to talk to one of the most handsome, rich Purebloods in all of England?! It just wasn't right.
Crumbling up some spare parchment that was left lying on the table his feet were on, he threw them into the fire, smirking. Eventually, he'd get up and go hunting for people- or, would he just wait and let them come to him? Yeah ... that sounded like a good idea! So, sitting smugly on his "throne," the Pureblood Prince sat and waited for someone to grace him with their presence."
************************************************************
Okay, here's the general thing that makes this work: ELABORATION. You have to use heavy-description, and get inside the mind of your character. It's a matter of steps, and I'll show you them.
Step One: Generalizing Your Character's Mood
The first step is setting your character's mood. What mood are they in at the beginning, middle and end of your post? Are they happy, sad, depressed, anxious, upset, eager? What? This is one of the easiest parts. Just think of how you want your character to feel- let's say they'd just one the Quidditch game the night before, so they're still happy about that. Instead of-
"Draco walked into the Great Hall and was happy he won the Quidditch game last night,"
You might want to say-
"Draco beamed as he stalked smugly into the Great Hall, smirking as he went along. Yes, yes, he was the Quidditch star last night that caught the Snitch when Slytherin was behind by one-hundred points. Yes, he was the envy of everyone on Gryffindor team, including Saint Potter."
See? It gives readers more of a good feel on how the character is actually feeling. He went from just a one-dementional happy to very plainly vain and smug about his win the night before.
Step Two: Describing Your Character's Surroundings
The second step is a bit more difficult than the first for the simple fact that you have to describe more than just one thing about the area your character is in. For example-
"Hermione walked into the library and frowned at the noise of the other students,"
Could easily be lenghtened to-
"Hermione huffed as she pushed past the crowd of students leaving the packed-library. Gapsing in disbelief at the tornado in front of her, Hermione took a few steps in, seeing students hurrying back and forth between tables, books lying about everywhere and ink spills on just about every table. So this was the library during exams?"
Also describing the feelings and textures of a characters surroundings helps make your posts longer and sound better. For example-
"Harry lay on the cool grass, the warm sun balancing perfectly with the cool breeze that blew by every now and then."
Step Three: Adding Your Character's Personal Thoughts
The third, and most important and challenging, step in this guide is adding a bit of your characters own, personal thoughts into your post. It gives it a more personal and charming touch to your posts and gives the readers a closer connection to your character. If you character normally has a smug personality, such as Draco's, add that to your post. If your character normally has a witty personality, like Hermione's, add that to your post. Here's an example of each:
Draco's:
"Draco had finished an assignment that he had reluctantly sat down to do and decided to go on a little stroll afterwords. He hadn't seen much of Pansy, which he regretted. His thoughts had been on her a good deal lately since they had become more than just friends. Her image always seemed to dance in his mind even when he was trying to think of other things. Many people could probably never believe that Draco Malfoy, of all people, was in love... Or something like love. Whatever it was, it was delicious and yet haunting.
He crammed his hands deep into his pockets and wrapped the fingers of his right hand around the handle of his wand, doing it purely out of habit. Draco took slow and steady steps, kicking a small rock along as he did so. And then he grew tired of it and decided to step over the small stone and ignore its existence. This was something he had been doing to a lot of ideas and objects, stepping over them (physically or metaphorically) and pretending they didn't exist.
He came to a near-by tree and leaned against its trunk before taking out his wand and wondering what he could do to occupy his time. Even in a school of magic, one could easily become bored. Draco find someone to pick on perhaps, or maybe try doing something constructive.
Yet, as he stood there, nothing entertaining came to mind. Since the courtyard was void of other life for the time being, especially someone good to talk to, he found that there was little hope of being relieved of dull happenings about him. "
Hermione's:
"A pink tab meant Defense Against the Dark Arts, and a blue on Arithmancy? Yes, that was right, Hermione determined as she checked her Class/Color key. Biting her lip in concentration, Hermione pulled off several pink tabs, marking them on May 1st, 8th, 15th, 22nd, and 29th. Now for the blue tabs. She pulled five blue tabs off, and placed them on the day just after the pink tabs, on May 2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd, and 30th. One day each week would be dedicated to studying for the exams for two classes, and every Sunday would be dedicated to studying for all of them. While Hermione knew she needed to be studying for each exam often and a lot, she also knew that if she studied for only two a night, she would be able to go into much more depth, and cover the material thoroughly.
Now green would certainly have to be Herbology, to fit in with the theme of the class. Pulling off more green tabs, Hermione marked them just after the blue tabs, on the 3rd, 10th, 17th, 24th, and 31st. Now she would have to start doubling up on days. It was a wonder to Hermione that Ron and Harry hadn't started to follow her lead yet with preparing for their exams in such a manner. They never usually studied until the week before their exams. Such a thing was unheard of for Hermione. In fact, she was even deathly surprised that she hadn't started making her studying guide until just then. Four months in advance was suitable. Three months though? How could she have ever let herself slack off in such a manner? If she missed something on the final that studying could have prevented, she would never forgive herself. Never. It was unheard of."
Step Four: Putting Them All Together
Now, take all the things we've learned from the previous three sections and you should have, at least, a good paragraph or two to reflect on. Following these steps will really help, and with time, you may even get to posting things with lengths like this:
"The time was unknown to an averaged height Ravenclaw girl as she sat cross legged on her bed, watching as the stars twinkled against the blanket of black that was the sky. They gleamed in her eyes, reflecting a past that had been buried very deep inside. They held a fire, one very similar to the one she had mistakingly set in the family library at her home. The anger that had risen from her father's vocals was something she could understand, but the scar on her lower back was something never understood by the fair and pretty half veela girl. The scar was about six inches long and had been made by a severing spell that was normally used to cut book bags and trim hedges; never to be used as a punishment. Her mother had been furious about the fire, but even more so at the painful endeavor that Lorana had to endure. She doubted she could forgive that day and she also had her doubts that her parents would never be able to forgive her as well. Though it had been years ago, the flames still danced in her eyes, reflecting the anger of a furious set of parents, not to mention her father. Her sea blue eyes gleamed with liquid, threatening to spill down her cheeks as they had the night she had come to Hogwarts at the beginning of the term.
Lor took the velvet blue scrunchy out of her platinum blond hair and pulled it around her right hand, a habit she had acquired ever since she could remember. She sighed abit when she heard one of her house mate girls snoring loudly, an indication the slept soundly and were probably having dreams about cute boys instead of dead brothers. She could still remember that night Aiden was taken from her. It had also been the night she was carried to the orphanage in muggle London. Why she hadn't been taken to one in America, was beyond her. She was glad she had come to a good family, however, and loved them just as she was their own. She smiled playfully as she felt Diego jump on her bed and she took the fat, pitch black cat and placed him on his infamous place right on her lap. As she dove into the land of thought, she stroked him gently with a frail hand. She was thinking about different things, but one in particular stood out the most: Her relationship life. The fact that she didn't even have one per say brought abit of sorrow to her mind. Her eyes shimmered with fluid, but not a single tear had dared to streak down. Why she was sad, she could not quite comprehend.
As these thoughts went through her mind, Lor found her eyes boring holes into the body of her Ravenclaw snoring house mate. She then came to the conclusion she was not going to be sitting here in the common room, crying her eyes out over spilled milk, or to put it metaphorically.
"Well Diego. What'd you say we take a turn about the castle? Can't hurt to get our minds off things, huh boy?"
She said, scratching the cat behind his flipped over ears. She smiled and chuckled abit in the darkness as she searched for her dark blue bath robe and matching slippers. Once she found them, she wrapped the robe around her, thankful for its warmth. She placed her freezing sock adorned feet into the slippers and carried Diego to the portrait hole, careful to grab her wand on her way out. She glanced back at her house mates, half wishing she could stay here, force some sleeping pills down her throat, and join her counter parts in that wonderful land known as Dream World. She sighed, knowing this could never be as she came out into the hallway.
Lor found this hallway to be particularly chilly, mainly because her breath shone when she exhaled. The little light provided by the castle torches was some what comforting, even more so now that the moon was cast in a fuller crescent. She knew in a few days it would be full, the best part about the month that she knew. She shut the portrait hole behind her, set the cat down and drew her wand, its tip illuminating and adding to what little light there was now. The lumos spell was unheard, but that was because she had mastered casting spells without saying words. It was common to find students out of bed, but now that she was a prefect, she had a reason to be out after hours. The light breeze came through the hallway, stinging her face slightly as some ghosts flew through the wall up ahead. She knew it must be terrible to be a ghost, always being freezing from head to foot and not able to find comfort. She didn't know exactly where she was going to go, but she had a few places in mind. For one, the Room of Requirement, a place where it was rumored the DA or Dumbledore's Army had their meetings, the Trophy Room, a common place to have detentions and afew other places she knew. She finally came to the conclusion she'd like to see what the Trophy Room had to offer her in her hour of need.
Diego loped at her heels as she sprinted down the way, unwilling to get caught by a professor, even though she was a prefect and a member of authority. She increased her speed a few notches and soon found herself in the Trophy Room, a place filled with trophies of past Quidditch team members, won games, records broken, etc. She smiled, finding it completely empty except a single mirror standing in the center of the room. Curiousity soon became known to her so she strode forward, eyes scanning the strange writing. It wasn't the Mirror of Erised, if that's what you're thinking. No, this mirror has never been uttered by proffesor, student, nor ghost and was a mystery even to a girl that had been here for seven years. She walked over to the mirror, her hand touching the etched silver metal. She became intrigued by it as she saw figures soon arise in the mirror, a curious happening in its own. She touched the center of the mirror and gasped to find it flipping, her frame and her cat being sent into some sort of passage way. She landed with a hard thud on the not so soft ground, her eyes taking interest in the strange room she had encountered. She had not seen this room before, but its walls gleamed with an odd powdered substance. She didn't realise someone else was in the room and turned around sharply to see ..."
(^- Provided by yours truly. I play her on Yesterday Is Dead, the origin of this post.)
Full credit goes to Draco Malfoy (our own and he plays Draco there too) and the site:
yesterdayisdead.proboards36.com/
